If you couldn’t think of any cool status update then maybe this list can gives you ideas. You can start a day with a funny status update that’ll make up your whole day. Here’s the ultimate list of insanely funny Facebook updates that you can copy and make as your new status update.
- A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
- Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving.
Cop: Sir have you been drinking?
Man: Scissors, I win!
- Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
- I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
- Dear Warner Bros: Now that I’m an adult, I feel I’m am old enough to hear what the “Beep Beep” is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
- Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
- Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
- Blonde and Brunette r walking on the road.brunette says “Look, a dead bird.” Blonde looks up in the sky, “WHERE, WHERE?”
- Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
- Scratch here – ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal today’s status?
- Would like to congratulate their parents on having such an awesome daughter-well done! :P
- When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.
- Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!
- Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.
- I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying “You’re next”. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, “You’re next“.
- A murderer was sitting on the electric chair. “Do u have any last requests?” “Yes, will u hold my happy smileyhand?” XD
- Boy: hey dad I got a girlfriend Dad: Good job son! Girl: Hey daddy I got a boyfriend Dad: *loads shotgun*
- Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, i told them to bugger off, my dog does not own a bike!
- I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
- Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you’re in Heaven!
- Insert coin to view status message?
- When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half!
- If you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say “in JESUS name amen”.
- Ques: Why do Girls live Longer Than Boys? Ans: Shopping never Causes Heart Attacks, .. But Paying the Bill does.
- Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls and you get poked by people you don’t know
- Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we’ll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros. Sincerely, Me.
- There’s no such thing as insomnia. Just a lot of people with Internet access. (by ziggy)
- ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.”